Happy New Year!
I hope your time with family and friends during the holidays was a joyful time. I spent Christmas and New Years in Morgantown, WV with my parents where I grew up. We had my 2.5 year old nephew over night a couple of times and some how I miss the questions, "what you doin?" and "why?" more than I thought I would. I enjoyed being back in the church I grew up in; I was able to share about the journey God has me on stemming out of what began in that church. And on the way back to Boston, I stopped over night in CT because I chose to drive through the winter advisories in both the Mid Atlantic and New England areas. What can I say, I like an adventure!
I'm getting that nervous energy that I used to get the night before I left for a week of camp, but a month early. I think that's only appropriate since I'll be leaving for 2 years instead of a week. The anticipation of what lies ahead and the anxiety tied to all of the details that have yet to come together create a happy & heavy little lump in my stomach. There's so much to look forward to, especially with a background in sociology: the language, culture, history and the sights, in addition to trusting God to be my strength as we become broken bread and poured out wine to those in need.
For years I've longed to participate in something like this and now it is only days away. I've just barely raised over half of my funds and I leave in 26 days. It's coming together in just the right timing, as I am learning all kinds of virtues in the waiting process. For 5 years after college, I've prayed and waited for something like this and I feel like I've been holding my breath, waiting to see whether or not it will actually happen. It's only more recent that I have allowed myself to get excited about going - which seems odd, but it's true. I feel like I'm meant for this, not that I'll do or say everything in the best way possible, but that it satisfies some deep longing that is innate. It is a gift from God to be able to go.
I have to pinch myself because it was at age 15 that I noticed a longing to go by God's leading and it's at 27 that I'm finally getting to walk through that door. I haven't been able to hide the discouragement with other things not being enough - allowing myself to wallow in despair at times. But God wanted to teach me that other things, are just that, just other things and I was making a thing of being "called" to go. He has wanted my full attention and He's been chopping other things away to reinstate a clear view with God front and center.
A friend asked me tonight, what I look forward to most about going to Peru- funny enough, coming from the girl who doesn't want to work with kids - I said getting to hug the children. (I think I'm missing my nephew a lot after being home.) And then I said, well it feels selfish to say I'm excited to soak in the landscape, the tastes, the sounds, and to learn about social behavior there. All of that's very appealing to me, almost equally to getting to help. I think the sensory joys are easier for me to imagine because it seems predictable based on past experiences, but I think what will be most exciting is being immersed in relationships and situations that bring hope and restoration - getting to taste heaven. I have a difficult time visualizing the reason for which I'm really going. Maybe that's because I focused for so long on the opportunity rather than the joy of getting to know God right in the middle of it all. My arrogance is in my design meeting its purpose; in surrendering this to God that I may know Him, I think He will be glorified and how blessed am I, are we, that He desires this and allows us to take part in it.
***My next post will have pictures! I now have a camera thanks to my roommate selling me her old one and thanks to Christmas money. I broke mine at a New Kids on the Block concert this summer. (Some of you are thinking that it serves me right for going to see them). It's a great camera to take beautiful photos with in Peru. He continues to provide!
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